We expect models to be actors… well sometimes… we expect comedians to be actors, or at least funny on screen, but do we expect athletes to become actors? Most of you probably know the WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment, where extremely muscular people perform death defying stunts and are part of complex, dynamic stories based around the ring, or the cage. So they’re athletic? Check. They’re acting for the stories? Check. So if they can pull off cool things and they’re used to guiding a story, then why are the movies they’re in often so bad? We’re not too sure ourselves, but we’re gonna give it a go with a list of the Top Ten Worst Movies Starring WWE actors to see if we can find out! Let’s get ready to stumble!
10. End Game – Kurt Angle
If you didn’t know, Kurt Angle was a real world wrestling champion in 1995. He started wrestling at the age of 7 and has apparently never stopped since. We don’t think he took acting lessons though, because his first movie ended up being a total bomb. Playing the lead serial killer in detective movie End Game, which has a score of 2.2/10 on IMDB, his acting can’t be said to have been great. There have been successful detective movies in the past, Se7en, The Fugitive, Mystic River etc… but this was not one of them. Luckily for Angle, it wasn’t the end game of his career.
9. The Reunion – John Cena
You know what? John Cena is a great guy, and he deserves a lot of credit for being great to his fans, and a considerate human being, but that doesn’t mean his choice of roles is excellent. He’s a big, tough guy, we get it, but does that mean he absolutely must play who he is? I guess if you’re John Cena it does. While the movie itself has a somewhat interesting plot of brothers banding together after a bout of long-distance relationship, it’s really only for fans of the man himself, and he plays himself, which might be just what his fans are after.
8. The Condemned – Steve Austin
Steve Austin is a rebel of WWE. He shaves his head, sports a goatee and can have a rude mood with an attitude… at least in the ring. Does that mean he has the emotional complexity required for subtle acting? Maybe, maybe not, but if we’re going to base it on The Condemned, we’d rather stick with not. While the plot may appear interesting, a bunch of convicts on an island battling for their life in a bid for survival. It’s clearly just an action movie, but the Japanese ‘Battle Royale’ on which it’s based is a more articulate work without the in-your-face message about not being violent… while gladly enjoying a violent movie.
7. Suburban Commando – Hulk Hogan
Perhaps the most hilarious and iconic of WWE figures, with his bleached handlebar mustaches, balding head and skullet of platinum hair, Hulk Hogan is indisputably one of the most popular figures in the world. Sure he’s a little weird, but in Suburban Commando he plays an alien whose bad temper leads him to crash land on Earth. He meets a family, gains a heart, his enemy returns, blah blah blah, he touches people’s lives in a way that none other than Hulk Hogan can, and then he leaves Earth again. Yeah, not too interesting – it’s like Terminator Lite. The box office agreed, and the film did not recoup its budget and was therefore a failure.
6. The Chaperone – Triple H
The Chaperone is the story of a getaway driver who wants to change his ways for his family. The driver/chaperone is none other than wrestling star and business executive Paul Levesque a.k.a. Triple H, whose bulk and rugged appearance make him believable, but sadly the plot and characters all seemed shoehorned. You’d think a bunch of criminals chasing a school bus could have some excitement to it… another one purely for WWE fans who wanna see their favorite do something out of the ring.
5. Santa with Muscles – Hulk Hogan
We just had to give another spot on the list to our WWE poster child… I mean, man: Mr Hogan himself. You might not think he is the best fit for a gentle role such as Santa Claus, and you would be right! He doesn’t even play Santa Claus… but instead an evil rich man who loses his memory and thinks he is Santa Claus. It sounds like it could have promise, but unfortunately the Hulk doesn’t satisfactorily deliver on the promise of good acting.
4. Buy & Cell – Roddy Piper
The late Roddy Piper plays a crazy prisoner, and while he does a great job, the movie still falls flat. It has been described as your typical ’80s comedy, but let’s be honest, we’ve never heard of it and neither have you. It might be one of those movies where the writers thought they had a brilliant name and just ran with it… and failed. We do wish to extend our condolences to all Roddy’s friends and family.
3. The Marine – John Cena
Back to our pretty boy, John Cena! It must be obvious that the man likes to act, though it’s not obvious how well he can act. It just happens to be one of those action movies where the main character is indestructible, and the bad guys are bumbling idiots who can’t get anything done. The plot is predictable, and we can’t really say the acting saves anything. It’s basically a movie for people who want to see John Cena, and things getting destroyed.
2. The Marine 2 – John Cena
Well, this one is easy: The Marine 2 is even worse than The Marine 1. John Cena’s acting doesn’t get any better, and neither does the plot. This is a real brain number that we suggest you stay away from in case you’re a student and you have exams, or maybe you have to be sharp at work… or maybe you just don’t like wasting your time.
1. Tooth Fairy – The Rock
We’ve saved the best for last. Hands down our favorite actor – that’s right, actor! — on this list. You guessed it: Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. As much as we love our big guy, we can’t help but furrow our brows and shake our heads at the dullness of this kids movie. Mr. Johnson claimed he made the movie so his kids could watch their daddy on screen. Well look… the movie may have sucked, but Mr. Johnson’s acting wasn’t bad, and really, it was better than the sequel at least.
Well that’s our wrap-up of the worst movies starring WWE actors. Hopefully you’ll spare yourself if ever one of these titles is an option for your viewing session. Then again, maybe you’re a masochist whose willing to put themselves through the torture. Anyway, maybe we can all agree that wrestling and film acting aren’t quite the same level of theater.