Apparently Tinder has an app called Passport that is specifically for people who are about to go on vacation and feel like having sex with a stranger while wearing a sweatshirt that says “I [Heart] NY”. It’s called ‘Passport’ and allows you to essentially overcome the GPS based restrictions that some of us have had little luck with (For example, a Minneapolis 6 is a Milwaukee 10). So, whether you’re some sort of important business man who travels around the world closing high stake deals and also doing their job (Get it?) or someone who has been left swiped to the point that it’s time to try your luck on a different continent, Tinder Passport is for you. So, here are some of the top Passport cities in the world, you know, because we feel your pain.
This has been reported by other sources and while it’s 2017, a lot of the titles hearken back to Dear Abby level prose. “Best Cities to Find Love”? Love? If there’s an app that defines the antithesis of love it has to be Tinder, or Candy Crush. There’s no love involved, unless that random hook-up makes you realize how much you loved your ex-girlfriend. Now, when you think about cities that personify or represent love you obviously think of places like Paris, France or Rome, Italy. And, when you think about it, where does that reputation come from? Have you ever been to Paris? They HATE tourists with a passion there. Unless you speak fluent french you will get a decent ratio of spit to soup in your split pea. Now, imagine trying to seduce a condescending french woman while waiting for your French-to-English dictionary App to download. Ugh, that sounds awful.
But Paris isn’t the number one city, actually, most likely for the reasons listed above. They’re actually second, behind the home of vitamin D deficiency… London, England! Say what you will about London-ers, but nothing says “I’m ready to go” like a girl with rickets. But really, you have to look at these lists in terms of what major events have taken place in each city recently. Apparently, the numbers for ‘Passport’ sky-rocket during the Olympics, for example. So, just imagine that you may have a chance to hook up with Ryan Lochte, who will then report it to the media as a robbery.
The rest of the cities on the list seem to be just large tourist destinations, one through five are London, Paris, New York, Berlin and Moscow. While Russia doesn’t really seem like the place to summer to us capitalist pigs in the West, you can’t deny that you didn’t immediately scream “MOSCOW!” when you saw the title of this post. It’s funny, during the Cold-War, the only images of women out of Russia were older ladies in babushka’s who were waiting in line for some bread. After the fall of the Berlin wall, suddenly every woman in Russia was six feet tall, blonde and amazing at tennis.
Speaking of the Berlin wall, Berlin makes a surprising top five showing. Apparently the Berlin wall isn’t the only thing that David Hasselhoff made this expression on-top of…
To round out the rest of the top ten you have another obvious choice in Stockholm, Sweden. Ever since ABBA took over the world with terrible, terrible music, the idea of a Swede is someone who is tall, blonde and perfect to look at. If there was a Stockholm in South America it’s Rio de Janeiro. Thanks to Carnival and the questionable choice of clothing (or lack thereof), and the amount of super models that have come out of Brazil in the past two decades people have positive stereotypes when it comes to Brazil. Positive or not, it’s still a stereotype and perhaps a lot of these “Pin drops” (Which is the way people essentially enter foreign markets via the Passport app) are just doing it to check out said stereotypes in places they’re never going to actually visit.
Case in point, outside of Los Angeles, the United States isn’t represented very well on this list. You’d think that the third largest country in the world, that has a tremendous amount of inter-state travel (whether it be for business or just to get away from Greg, from work (Everyone hates Greg)). Because of that, you’d think that there’d be a lot more people going to Milwaukee for business/random intercourse than the amount of people that are going to the home of Catholicism for the same. Rome shows up as the 15th place on this list, and you’d think that their priests would try to fly under the radar a bit more these days.
For example, how many people are actually traveling to Auckland, New Zealand? Outside of Lord of the Rings fans, of course. The One Ring that Rules Us All is apparently the Nuva-Ring. So, it looks like this is more of a low-key way for Tinder to advertise it’s newest app (Outside of their new picture taking app called “Hey Bro, Does This Look like Herpes?”, app) and it’s obviously working if we’re talking about it. But, knowing what I know about the sheer amount of people reluctantly traveling to Houston everyday, you’d think that there’d be less amazing cities known for beautiful people and more midwestern people settling because they’ve really hit rock bottom.
Again, though, I bet that there’s just a lot of people going to those cities because they’ve read about all of the super sexy farm-hands in Danielle Steele novels. They have no intention of actually going to Buenos Aires, they just want to see if perhaps they’re more attractive than the faces of disappointment strangers make when their eyes reach their… Everything. But, this is clearly just a way for Tinder to get the word out through non-traditional means, which really means that it appears that Tinder just dropped a pin on all of us… If you catch my drift.