We’ve all been in situations that just make us want to crawl into a dark hole and never come out. We’ve felt our cheeks blushing and turning a nice shade of red. Instant panic sets in and we are not sure whether to stay silent and ignore the FML moment that just happened, or confront it with balls blazing, or high tail it out of that scene as fast as you can. We think it`s the worst possible thing that can happen and start looking up flight times to book your next plane ticket to as far away as possible. We`re embarrassed, mortified even, and we have no idea how the heck to handle the situation. We do need to realize that it is never the end of the world, and we can overcome situations that are just the pits. Time is a wonderful healer and that`s something good to remember. Here are some FML moments that we all have experienced or *gasp* might, eventually one day. Here is also some advice on how to deal with these situations and avoid the turmoil that you normally put yourself through.
15. You farted at a time you really wish you hadn`t
Wow! You really didn`t expect that silent but deadly toot to slip out during a really important work meeting. Or maybe you thought that it wouldn`t smell so vile and you underestimated your fart`s power. Perhaps it was one of those never ending, long or trumpet sounding farts. Either way it found it`s way out of your butt and into the air and ears and noses of all those around you. Depending on the relationships you have with whomever is victim to your offensive gas, adjust how you are going to handle this unintentional intrusion. If it is in a professional setting, simply apologize and keep it moving quickly! Launch into another work related topic to control and steer the conversation and atmosphere in a new direction. If it is with a crush or the first fart in a new relationship, laugh it off. It`s a fart, we are all human!
14. You draw a mind-blank during a public speech
This is the worst feeling. You are standing in front of the room filled with eyes on you and no words are coming out of your mouth. Your stomach sinks and it is difficult to pull yourself together and get back on track. All of a sudden, everyone in front of you becomes a blur and the age old trick of imagining them naked is failing you hard. The key to helping in this situation is Q-cards. Also, practicing in front of the mirror is always helpful, but some people tend to speed up once they hit the podium. Make your speeches extra long, knowing you may speed up. Having your go to safety Q-cards in front of you can give you a sense of security and comfort, even if you don`t use them. If all else fails, you have practiced but lost your Q-cards or somehow their order got mixed up, just be brutally honest and tell the crowd `look I lost my train of thought…` People will understand and appreciate your honesty.
13. Arriving really late to something important
There`s a saying: `Arriving early is on time, arriving on time is late and arriving late is unacceptable.` If you`ve ever been stuck in traffic or your alarm didn’t go off and you have somewhere important you need to be, you know how frantic and chaotic it can get. Suddenly you start driving like you’re playing Grand Theft Auto or running track like Hussain Bolt. Nothing is on your mind but making it to where you need to be ASAP. When planning out your event or daily activities, always try to give yourself ample time because you never know when detours and construction will hit. If you`re living in a city with a lot of construction, you might need to give yourself an extra 30 or 45 minutes. Google maps doesn’t always seem to know which roads are closed and you may be hit detour after detour. Seriously, everyone has been late at some point in their life so really just keep trying to get where you need to go and don`t stop for coffee, or Xanax for that matter, to calm yourself down. The trick is to always plan accordingly to the best of your ability. Sounds cliché, but it`s really that simple. And if you are always late, give yourself an extra 30 minutes.
12. You accidentally called someone pregnant when they are not
It’s crazy how some people still don’t clue in that you should never imply or ask if a woman is pregnant, despite her size! It’s as if some people missed that class. Once you’ve clued into the fact that you messed up after you see the look of horror and embarrassment on her face, it’s time for you to take your foot out of your mouth and try to make a save. Depending on the wording you used, you may have a shot at blaming it on your confusion and that you were thinking about someone else who had mentioned they were preggo. If you were so bold as to give the pregnancy pat and rub the woman’s stomach, just lock yourself away in a dark room for now. You need a cold shower to dust yourself off from this one, it’s just too brutal. Take it as a lesson learned in life to never ever imply a woman is pregnant if you aren’t totally sure. And we mean sure enough as in the baby’s head is crowning sure!
11. Bumping into an ex
Did you ever get that freaked out feeling that you know you’re eventually going to cross paths again with the person who broke your heart or that still gives you butterflies because you can’t seem to let go? Like anything, things play out bigger in your head than they actually ever will be in real life. Some relationships end abruptly and give you the shock of your life because you weren’t expecting it. Other times, you break his heart and feel so guilty. Or ideally, you both saw it coming and finally one of you decided to pull the trigger. Regardless, Roosevelt said, “There is nothing to fear, except fear itself” so stop being so fretful of an eventual run-in. Life goes on. What’s the worst that can happen? Another big blow out fight in public? The door is already shut, so keep it shut and save yourself the false hope of potentially getting back together. Sometimes it is better to just let things be. If at some point your paths cross, which they often do, keep it short and sweet, polite and classy. And if that is totally impossible because you are a psycho mess, swing hard my friend.
10. Failing at something
Whether it is a driving test, a relationship or a work opportunity, it’s never good to feel like you’ve failed at something. However, the glass half full side to these situations is that there you usually get second chances at most things. Whatever it is that set you back or made you feel down in the dumps, there are always more opportunities to try again. Of course to help your odds, find out why you didn’t succeed, or why it didn’t work out and figure out how you can improve. Keep in mind that some of the most successful people in the world have endured failure many times. They are where they are today because they chose never to give up. Success is a choice, you have to keep trying things. If you don’t try, you can’t ever succeed. If you live, eat, sleep and dream one goal, and take consistent action achieve this goal, you will probably succeed and sometimes even something surprising may come of it. Failure is not forever and it is a chance to keep going and prove to yourself what a winner you really are. Choose to be a winner.
9. Regretful drunken mistakes
This mistake can range from “holy hell, what was i thinking, tequila is the devil” to “oh well, crap happens, brush it off”. Depending on the damage you and Jack Daniels have done, your recovery tactics may vary. If you hurt someone physically and/or emotionally, a genuine apology is in order. If you are genuinely a good person, and your day to day life reflects this, then it’s only fair and normal to have a sambuca slip up from time to time. However, if you are constantly having to send apology texts for drunk dialing the night before. Know that these get old, annoying and tiresome pretty quick. Take some pride in yourself and your image and choose to handle your drunken self with dignity. If broken windows, screaming matches, falling on your butt drunk is a regular occurrence, it’s time to reevaluate what the heck is going on in your life. Next time you choose to nurse the bottle, make sure your stomach is full and you are well hydrated, and surround yourself with good friends you can trust who know you drunk and sober.
8. Getting caught in a lie
If you’ve never lied, it probably means you are not human. Maybe you lied in fifth grade and told the kids you had no gum left because everyone wanted a piece and you didn’t feel like sharing. You may have lied to your significant other about where you where last night. Or maybe even to your gym group about how many calories you’ve consumed that week. Whatever it is, we have all told lies, big or small, we are humans. Compulsive lying is a problem, but being honest all the time is not always easy . If you get caught in a lie, honesty is the best policy when being called out, so just fess up. Why are you lying in the first place? Were you saving your last piece of gum for later and just didn’t want to share? Were you incredibly unhappy and unsatisfied in your relationship that going out and partying was a release for you? Were you just too lazy and careless that you didn’t give a crap if that last cupcake would add on another 200 calories and you didn’t want to hear it from the group? We always have our reasons for lying, so it’s important to find out what it is that is making you lie in the first place. Generally, being straight up and honest is the best decision to make no matter how scared you are of getting flack for it. Be real.
7. Forgetting someone’s birthday
There is something about birthdays that some people just take so seriously. If it is a milestone birthday and you forgot to acknowledge it, that’s a double whammy of guilt right there. Your birthday is your day, yours alone (and about a million other people around the world, but you don’t know them, so it’s yours!) and you want to feel loved, acknowledged and spoiled. Depending on whose birthday it was and your relationship to them, recovery from this can vary. If it was someone really close to you who bends over backwards for you all the time and you didn’t have the decency to highlight that date in your calendar, you need to work on some things in your life stat. If it was a Facebook “friend” who is a random acquaintance, it’s not the end of the world. The best way to deal with future slip ups is to write things down and set reminders for the important things in life that don’t necessarily revolve around you.
6. Your kids mortified you
God bless children! Sometimes, they can embarrass you and stop you in your tracks. Children are like sponges, they repeat everything they hear at home. So if are swearing like a sailor, don’t be surprised when your kid blurts out something explicit at the worst time ever. The show Kids say the Darndest Things had so much hilarious material because it is an every day occurrence. Kids will be kids, so don’t freak out too much because their cute little faces allow them to get away with everything! If they repeat something private that they overheard without you knowing and make it public, that sucks for you, it really does. The beauty of children though, is that you can blame it on their innocence and claim they had no idea what they were talking about. It’s easy to get out of things when young children are involved, so lighten up! Life isn’t meant to be so serious. Laugh it off and keep it moving. If people want to get upset then it’s on them not you.
5. Being on the most awkward date
It is no secret that dating can be the most awkward, shocking and repetitive thing to do. It’s an entire process from beginning to end and you love it or you hate it. You can definitely meet major hotties and feel like you’re on cloud nine… until they start talking. Once you’ve discovered they are just looking to score or don’t know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’, things can definitely take a turn. If the person is just not too bright, then order yourself another shot and just enjoy the night knowing this is as far as it will go. “Time wasted is never wasted if you’re wasted all the time” are wise words that you can apply to a disaster date. If the person is just shy, try to open them up by asking questions and being responsive to what they are saying. To avoid long awkward dates, next time just make plans to be meet for coffee or a drink and tell them you have somewhere to be after. If the date is going well, tell them that your previous commitment got cancelled and enjoy the night.
4. Catching your partner in the act… without you
Oh! So brutal! A sight you definitely never want to see, but it happens. Do you go completely nuts and tip bookshelves over, grab artwork off the walls, or fling lamps at the trifling duo? Or do you keep it classy? Depending on how much you care and the circumstances of how it happened, it is definitely your call. The normal thing to do is walk away calmly, but let’s get real, that rarely happens. These situations can be highly emotional and rage can easily take over making you want to lose your mind. Walk away as fast as you can before all this occurs. You are better than that. Clearly the person cheating on you could not see that or could not contain themselves, so flee the scene asap. Your character, persona and overall aura cannot be disturbed by a loser who is messing around on you. Take the high road.
3. Not being where you thought you would be in life
This type of thing can play mental mind game on you. There is always a perfect image of what you imagine your life would be like at a certain age. When the pieces are not all fitting together or there are some missing, it is easy to get upset and question where you went wrong. The best advice is to keep things as simple as possible. Being disappointed in a facet of your life doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Realistically looking at the situation in a logical sense can give you a different perspective. Don’t sit back and wait for things to happen. Change what you can little by little and take action to realize your goals. Eventually you will get where you want to be, or you may even end up somewhere better that you never expected. What’s important is to never give up no matter how hard life seems at times. Keep at it.
2. Not making the move you wish you had
That age old thing called regret comes up yet again. “I wish I had done this, I wish I had done that then my situation would be totally different”. We have all had those moments at some point in life. Sometimes, we just need to face reality and own up to the fact that life is not always perfect. We are human, we make mistakes, we fear, we hesitate and for whatever reason, we don’t always blaze our trails with total confidence. Tomorrow is always another day and it is important to remember, there is always another shot. Think of life as a chess board, sometimes you don’t always make the right moves, but it doesn’t mean you are going to lose the game.
1. Getting overwhelmed
Feeling overwhelmed is possibly one of the worst feelings in the world. Finding ways to cope when you feel like things are hitting the fan will help you immensely with future bouts of anxiety, stress and worry. Finding ways to help control your thoughts and reactions when everything feels like it is being piled on your shoulders is key. Recognize what is happening to you in the moment. Understanding the physical symptoms of a freak out keeps you centred. Using tricks like breathing exercises or visualization can help you calm down. There is usually a reason why we feel so overwhelmed at times, so breaking things down about what is going on in your life helps you compartmentalize where the problem is really stemming from. It’s all about organization and putting in an effort to keep your sanity. Don’t be so hard on yourself and know that everything comes to pass eventually.