10 Fictional Foods We’d Love To Try
We have some really delicious foods in real life. We have toast and the Big Mac and Skittles and Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. But in movies and TV shows and cartoons and books, fictional foods have been created and depicted and described in such a way that we want to try them. Writers like Quentin Tarantino and Roald Dahl have crafted fictional foods that, because we can only imagine how delicious they really are, we want to try. When we see our favorite characters like Homer Simpson and Scooby Doo eating something we can’t have, it makes us want it more than ever. Here are 10 fictional foods that we would love to be able to try in real life.
10. Nuts ‘N Stuf
Leslie Knope can’t seem to win in her battle against Sweetums. It’s the company that’s making America obese – even their water has 300 calories per serving – and yet no one seems to bat an eye except for her. She’ll say the food is slowly killing people, and they’ll just say it tastes too good to care. She’ll say the Sweetums factory’s fumes are polluting the air, and they’ll just say it’s what causes the sunsets to look so beautiful. Leslie is right, of course, and if the environment is at stake, as well as everybody’s health, then something has to be done. But we’ve got to go with the other townspeople of Pawnee on this one – a lot of Sweetums’ products do sound delicious. While Icyums, Frooties, and Gusherz all sound like they could be quite tasty, the most interesting one has to be Nuts ‘N Stuf. It’s a mix bag that combines a bunch of things that are delicious on their own, but an odd mix when put together: nuts, licorice, gummy bears, red hots, pretzels, and beef jerky. As weird as that sounds, that might actually be great. We already know that nuts and raisins make a good mix – why not take it one step further?
9. Teriyaki Donut
Quentin Tarantino is famous for creating fictional brands to appear in his movies. This is partly because he hates the corporate sell-out aspect of product placement – paying for the movie by having the characters drinking brand name sodas with the labels facing out with a giant neon sign with that same logo on it right behind them – and partly because he wants his movies to exist entirely in a universe of their own. This is, after all, a world in which Jewish soldiers successfully assassinated Adolf Hitler, so why can’t it be a world where the most popular brand of cigarettes is called Red Apple? There are a couple of food brands in Tarantino’s movies. One of the most common ones is Fruit Brute, which is a real brand, just one that was discontinued. Tarantino kept hold of a box and he’s been using it in his movies ever since. And of course, there’s also the Big Kahuna Burger that Samuel L. Jackson takes a bite out of to assert his dominance in Pulp Fiction. But the most curious sounding one has to be Teriyaki Donut, the restaurant that serves both Japanese food and donuts. It’s an interesting mix, but it sounds like it could make for a fun late night meal.
8. The Clogger
The Clogger is a sandwich sold at Krusty Burger, named in reference to the fact that it will clog up your arteries due to all the saturated fat content. The slogan for this product, as Krusty announces during the movie, goes: “If you can find a greasier sandwich, you’re in Mexico!” That certainly sounds appealing. It sounds awfully dangerous for your arteries, but it does sound appetizing. Krusty took a bite out of the sandwich in the TV commercial and then promptly spat it out as soon as the director had called, “Cut!” But we’d still like to try it. For all we know, Krusty only spat it out because he’s Jewish and therefore not allowed to eat pork. Despite the pork content, Krusty seemed to have no problem using a pig to sell the sandwich. That pig went on to become a viral sensation when Homer gave him the name “Spider-Pig,” so it all worked out for him. We only get a brief glimpse of the burger up close, but from that closeup shot, it looks like there’s a couple of beef patties, a lot of bacon, some slices of cheese, and even a couple of fried eggs on there. Delicious!
7. Soylent Green
Yes, yes, we know it’s people. But millions of people didn’t know that it was people and they were perfectly happy to keep consuming it. The setup of an overly industrialized world in 2022 (which was a long time away when the movie was made, but isn’t that far away now) is not too far away from reality. A movie was made in 1973 about the dangers of climate change in what was then the far off future of 2022. Look at us now, in 2018, feeling those effects. More people should have been paying attention to this dystopian sci fi thriller starring Charlton Heston, particularly those who are now in power and contributing to the devastating effects of climate change. Anyway, enough about politics. In the movie, the Soylent Corporation are telling people that if they eat Soylent Green, they will be fine. That’s what they need. It’s their distant future version of superfood or kale or quinoa or Quorn. People are told that it’s good for them and that it has all the nutrients that they need. But then one man stumbles upon the big twist: it’s people. The Soylent Corporation has turned everyone into cannibals and they’re just blindly following it without realizing. It’s a metaphor for all kinds of government control, but hey, maybe Soylent Green is quite tasty. No one ever said, “Eww, what’s in this?” They just ate it and enjoyed it. Who knows it?
6. Krabby Patty
When SpongeBob SquarePants made a Krabby Patty for King Neptune in an early episode of the series (a different version of King Neptune than the balding one Jeffrey Tambor would play when the show got a movie spin-off), the aquatic ruler enjoyed it so much that he threw it back up just so he could eat it again. That sounds like a sandwich we’d like to try. It must be pretty special, because it has managed to keep a steady flow of business coming to a restaurant that’s located in the middle of nowhere. Plus, the recipe for the burger is so unique and brilliant that a rival restauranteur has dedicated his life to figuring out what it is. No one can figure out how to make one of these things from the sandwich alone – they’d need to secret formula. And even then, only a very skilled fry cook like SpongeBob can make it pitch perfect. It’s like an undersea version of the Colonel’s chicken. No one who doesn’t work at KFC and gets the opportunity to peek behind the curtain can figure out the same combination of spices that make that chicken taste so good. It’s a good way to do business.
5. Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls
This is not just a fictional food – it is also a song. It was recorded for the episode that introduced Chef’s signature dish, but it was also released as a single. In the song, Chef implores you to suck on his Chocolate Salty Balls (“Put ‘em in your mouth and suck ‘em!”). And even though this song puts an image in your head that the Chocolate Salty Balls are representative of something else, those gleefully unsubtle double entendres don’t deter any of his customers, so they must be a really delicious snack. The blending of chocolate and salty flavors is certainly inventive and it would be interesting to see how they complement one another in Chef’s creation. It was a shame when the show lost Chef, but his voice actor Isaac Hayes was so offended by series creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s take on Scientology in the episode “Trapped in the Closet” that he decided to leave the show during its ninth season. How did Trey and Matt respond? They took all the voice recordings of Isaac Hayes that they had the rights to and twisted the words around to make him say things that made him sound like a pervert. It’s all class with those guys.
4. The Heart Stopper
The Heart Stopper is available at all Burger Shot locations in Liberty City in Grand Theft Auto IV. While its name is intending as a satirical jab at the fast food industry and the restaurant it’s served in has a crude sexual pun for a name, the burger itself would be interesting to try. The billboard ads for the burger, which can be seen all over Liberty City, bear the slogan, “This burger may kill you! We can’t be held responsible.” Actually, “responsible” is misspelled “respondsible” on the ads, which is either a spelling error by Rockstar or a very tongue-in-cheek joke that since the disclaimer was misspelled, they actually can be held responsible, because they never technically said they couldn’t. Also, the TV commercials show a man called 9-1-1 after suffering a heart attack while eating the burger. The marketing team at Burger Shot aren’t trying to hide the fact that eating this thing is a dangerous game. It has seven meat patties on it, which according to the posters for the burger, totals six pounds of beef. According to the menus in Burger Shot, the Heart Stopper costs $100, which would also buy you enough caviar for two, so it’d better be a damn good burger.
3. Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans
Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans are one of the most popular candies in Harry Potter’s world of wizards and witches. We can’t possibly hope to understand the appeal of some of these flavors in our white bread muggle world, but in the wizarding world, they are something special. Harry first tries them on the train to Hogwarts when Ron introduces him to them. You might get peach or you might get overcooked cabbage. You might get pink grapefruit or you might get liver and tripe. You might get tutti-frutti or you might get vomit. J.K. Rowling came up with some inspired ideas for flavors: spaghetti, tomato, troll booger, roast beef, spinach, soap, bacon, salmon, even sulphur! The advertising tagline for Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans goes, “A risk with every mouthful!” So, perhaps the appeal of these things is the thrill of not knowing what flavor the next bean will be. Sure, it could taste like a strawberry or a watermelon or a grape, but it could also taste like a boot or a cockroach or a doorknob. It’s kind of like an extreme and magical version those Doritos bags where you play roulette with the chips – maybe it’ll be a nice, mild, tasty chip, or maybe it’ll be hotter and spicier than anything else on God’s green Earth. That’s all part of the excitement. So, maybe that’s what all the fuss is about. Either way, they would be fun to try.
2. Scooby Snacks
These must be some damn good cookies. There’s no way that Shaggy and Scooby would let a crunchy snack distract them from their impending death by mummy attack or ghostly possession if it wasn’t a really, really delicious snack. Shaggy’s catch all excuse for his incredible appetite is simply that being in a constant state of fear, hanging around in haunted mansions and abandoned amusement parks surrounding by zombies and werewolves and mummies all day every day, has also put him in a constant state of hunger. Now, the logic of that doesn’t quite add up, since fear and hunger are too emotional states with no connection at all, but if that’s the line and he’s sticking with it, then Scooby Snacks must really be something. Based on the fact that they’re called Scooby Snacks and not Human Snacks, it is safe to assume that these are supposed to be a treat for dogs. But since Shaggy enjoys them just as much as his trusty canine companion, if not more, they must be some darn tasty dog treats. There’s some sort of big taboo about humans eating dog food, but Mel Gibson’s Martin Riggs character in Lethal Weapon ate dog biscuits in order to kick smoking and that worked, so it wouldn’t be the end of the world for a human to enjoy dog treats.
1. Wonka Bar
Remember how gloopy and rich that melted chocolate in the lake at Wonka’s factory looked before Augustus Gloop did exactly what we all would have done and collapsed into it to start slurping up as much as he could and then got stuck in a pipe and almost died? Yeah, well, imagine that chocolate set into a mold and made into a candy bar. Pretty tasty, right? Even in Tim Burton’s bleak and gothic view of Roald Dahl’s once colorful world, Wonka Bars look delicious. The Oompa Loompas are really hard workers and they come from the forest where the beans that go into Wonka’s chocolate originate from, so you know you’re getting the best tender love and care from the factory line when you commit to the purchase and consumption of a Wonka Bar. You’re in good hands. Wonka is the best in the business. And as an added bonus on top of the deliciousness of Wonka’s chocolate, you might end up getting one of the ones with a golden ticket inside it and then you’ll get a private tour of Wonka’s factory. Okay, you might die at the factory, but you also might be the Charlie Bucket figure who passes all of Wonka’s tests and wins the day.