In continuing with our “Hard To Find Candies” series, we’ve got some even weirder brands and types you wouldn’t ever think existed. And if your palates tend to border on the odder side of things, especially when sweets are concerned, then read on and see just how weird things can actually get.
10. One pound Cherry Gum Hearts
Yeah … that’s not a typo. These things really do weigh a single pound and are in fact almost as large as a cantaloupe melon or roundabouts. But needless to say, they’re pretty massive. These things are so big, you need a knife to slice off wedges, very much like the aforementioned fruit, unless of course you want to be seen walking around the office chomping into a bright red oblong shape at any point in time. Besides, it won’t go well with your suit and tie, or that designer long skirt you found on sale last weekend. But the concept of this thing is pretty surreal … in scope and in execution. These things are really made and distributed. That means that there is some demand for these, and we’ll bet that it isn’t always children filling out the order form.
9. Sake Flavored Kit Kats
In Japan, Sake, which is an alcoholic rice beverage, usually served warm, which goes back generations and generations. Most alcoholic beverages do, as the fermentation process that these beverages go through is a practice that goes back to time out of mind. It is even considered sacred by some and the drinking and preparing of this beverage is even a ritual passed down from generation to generation; very much like wine, it has survived the long years of modernization and a quickly moving society and all the changes that it brought. But we wonder what the grandmasters who first started brewing the stuff would think about Kit Kat Japan deciding to put the traditional alcoholic beverage of Japan into their already epic candy bars? We can just picture a very distinguished and traditional Japanese man sitting down to his meal, only to be served a candy bar that contains the very beverage he probably makes himself. For all we know, he’s got vats and vats of the stuff which he consumes year round. We’d say it’s pretty safe to assume that a sense of wonderment and disappointment may surface in this individual. Then again, he may be pleased at the concept. This depends of course on how badly he needs a drink.
8. Candy Filled Bug Tape
We’re trying to figure out just how bad a craving you need to have to be able to ingest some of this stuff. Maybe it’s the novelty of it all, and we can more than understand that. But outside of Halloween, we don’t really see a market for this stuff. Perhaps that’s why it’s so hard to find. This won’t really be at your local gas station or corner store, like a lot of the stuff we’ve shown you thus far, but if you dig deep enough online, you’ll find it, and you’ll be chomping down on this stuff soon enough; maybe even by the foot if you order enough. It looks pretty gross, we must admit, but there are probably many that would give it a try just for the experience. We would like to ask one simple question however … how are you supposed to know when there’s an actual bug on your candy with this item? We mean, with a soup, or even a regular tape of candy, a fly would be pretty easy to spot, but here, a fly could make itself at home and pretty much blend in. Food for thought, eh?
7. Sour Flush Candy Plunger With Sour Dip
Now here’s a head slapper if ever there was one. If you listen closely, you might be able to hear the hands slapping foreheads collectively around the world as you and many others read this wee bit of trivial news. We realize that with a lot of these items, a certain novelty is at the epicenter of the interest involved. Many consumers like to eat so-called weird items just for the heck of it, and as foodies ourselves, we can more than understand that. There have been many such fads and novelties in the food industry. For example … who’s ever heard of dining in the dark, or even eating chocolate covered ants? They seem odd to us, but they are real practices enjoyed immensely around the world, and yes, even in our own back yards. Candies like this one here are pretty funny overall, and aren’t even close to the concept of a chocolate covered ant, but the idea of sticking a lolly pop made to signify a toilet plunger into a toilet of all things is enough to conjure up thoughts that most people don’t want to think about when enjoying a sweet treat meant to satisfy and not disgust. And when you think about it, the comparison here is quite hilarious, but at the same time, the thing that this so called treat is made to represent is based on one of the most embarrassing and panicky human moments and experiences. In fact, these instances are pretty terror filled moments … will the toilet overflow? Will he or she get in trouble for clogging the toilet yet again? The questions are enough to drive a person nuts. So really … they decided to base a sweet treat on this experience? Something does not compute, here. But remember … we’re just saying.
6. Lucas Gusano Tamarind Flavored Liquid Candy
How badly do you need candy to be willing to squirt liquid candy into your mouth? This is an interesting concept overall, and a comical one at that. But when you’re a kid, there are some pretty odd things you’re willing to try, especially in the sweet treats category. The only thing is, this product here isn’t only popular among children. Quite a few grown-ups enjoy this stuff and if you read the reviews, this product isn’t as odd as it seems at first. This stuff isn’t all that easy to find in stores, but it originates in Mexico, and can probably be found in and around that region from shop to shop. But for the rest of us that may be interested in finding some of this, we need to rely on our old friend the internet to get a batch of this stuff. It isn’t all that expensive to get, as it’s available for $4.99 for a ten piece pack. That means you get 10 bottles of the stuff for about five bucks. Not much at the end of the day, is it? Reviews on MyMexicanCandy.com are astonishingly all positive, clients claiming that orders came in pretty quickly. One user, Joyce F., went on to post that she loves putting this stuff on her fresh fruit. Hmm. Now there’s a thought: spicy sweetness atop some sliced papaya. Maybe, but at the end of the day, couldn’t we just add some sugar to some Hot Sauce? Wouldn’t that have the same effect? Probably not. This product is quite popular online, and we don’t mean just as an ordering item. There are many that actually film themselves trying this stuff and reactions aren’t always favorable.
5. Vidal Gummy Teeth
Now this one’s pretty funny. One wouldn’t normally think that dentures were at all appetizing. But maybe when a little candy is thrown into the mix, we’re beginning to realize that most people would be down for anything—and yes, even a pair of gummy dentures like the ones shown here. Of course they are only candy, but many people think about what they’re eating, and what a particular food item looks like is something that they think of first. This is likely to determine whether a person is willing to try a product, or decline wholeheartedly. But what we need to remember here is that these are candies, and when you say or hear the word candy, a sense of fun comes along with that term, and we should look at all these items with a sense of playfulness, no matter how odd they turn out to be. Besides, you can play like Dracula with these and hey, that’s always a wee bit of fun. Or maybe then again, you can convince the boyfriend to stick one of these into his mouth and you can actually have that scene from Twilight you always wanted to live out.
4. Hotlix Scorpion Suckers
Well, we mentioned chocolate covered ants and how they’re pretty much a delicacy in some parts of the world, and these here are no exception. But these were actually first invented by an American! And the trend caught on pretty quickly. It was Larry Peterman who first invented them. He was a Santa Fe businessman and owner of Hotlix Candy. He got involved in the candy business in the eighties, at first offering seemingly standard tasting lollipops like cinnamon, only extremely hot cinnamon, so he wasn’t averse to pushing the boundaries of candy in general. But where he was then and where he would end up going would be as different as night and day, or rather, as different as normal candy and abnormal candy. But everything changed when he invented his Tequila lollipop, and yes, it did contain the old mealworm noted to be in many brands of authentic Tequila. That’s pretty much what started it all, and he hasn’t looked back since. Soon came crickets, and then of course scorpions. The scorpions and other bugs are pre-baked in case you were wondering. The company now has plans to release gummy worms which will contain … wait for it … actual worms. The scorpion lollipops are also available in other parts of the world, but these days, those who are courageous enough to give these things a try actually order them online. They’ve sparked quite the craze, but once again, it’s pretty much a novelty candy, but we wonder if this novelty is that likely to wear off. But man alive this one gives us the shivers just thinking about it.
3. Licorice Scottie Dogs
To turn to the realms of normalcy for a brief moment … we’d like to shine a light on these little candies you aren’t likely to find at the local Wal Mart. Licorice is a pretty stable domain in the candy world, and although not all licorice is in fact licorice, we and most of the world enjoy a piece every now and again. The black licorice is the only sort that contains any real trace of licorice, and the red sort just kind of went along for the ride. And what a long ride it’s been. But despite a few discrepancies, this candy is available in all shapes and sizes … from whip sticks, to jujube, to … little doggies? Yeah, you bet. Of course as we mentioned, they aren’t readily available, but if little pieces of licorice shaped like doggies are your idea of a treat just made for you, then these puppies (we couldn’t fight the urge for that pun off … sorry) are specifically for you. They’re available in Vermont, but are readily available to order online. So what are you waiting for?
2. Super Strong Manly Mints
“That’s it! I want to see two more … two more reps.” Hypothetical situation: You’re struggling away with the weight … trying to heave it off your chest, but it’s getting hard. The last thing you need is someone spotting you, screaming into your face to give them two more reps. Like you’re giving them the two more reps (the reps are for you and the benefit of your body, but whatever), and furthermore, you don’t need this person to be blowing his or her bad breath when you’re already struggling for breath as it is. You can’t wait to be done, so you finish off and bounce two more off your chest just to get out of the way of that bad breath wafting towards your nose. You stand up and go to your gym bag and decide to unleash these candies you found online … mints. You’ve got three more sets to get through on this exercise and you’ve got to do something about your spotter’s breath. So you walk back towards him and as he finishes his set you shake the box and ask him if he wants one. Now he may not get offended, especially of you handle this right, and he just might get distracted by the muscular bodybuilder on the package. He looks it over, and you’re relieved to see a smile spread across his face. “Hey … is that Charles Atlas?” You’re not exactly sure, but you smile and say, “Sure is. Want one?” He accepts and you can thankfully get back to adding some mass to your pectoral muscle. As you get back to it, you thank the heavens for the creation of this odd little invention that borders on sexist and is saturated in machismo, but hey …what can you do? They sure saved the day on this occasion.
1. Pickle Flavored Candy Canes
This sounds like a craving that a pregnant woman might get. After all, ladies who are with child get some pretty odd cravings. Chips with ice cream, nachos in their soup … you name it. We wonder if these would do the trick in such circumstances … maybe paired up with a bit of vanilla ice cream. We want to say “Yuck!” but some of these combinations aren’t all that bad, really. But do pickles say Christmas the way that mint does. Mint goes with almost everything, even some epic roasted lamb, but pickles don’t always do the trick in terms of satisfying an all-intensive craving for something sweet. Battered, fried and enjoyed next to a tasty burger, sure, but in the form of a candy cane … we’re not entirely sure. Can you picture a family sitting around the Christmas tree, some chestnuts roasting on the fire in the hearth, a little Bing Crosby on the turntable, and a table full of Pickle Flavored Candy Canes in their respective mouths? We can’t either. But, they do exist if you’re interested in adding them to the menu next December.